Holding Back, Holding On

No matter how I looked at my life during that time, I couldn't keep myself from I asking this question, "Why am I still here?"

I had never intended to stay in Whiton, Kansas (population 3,543). But then I did anyway. At one point I had had good, solid reasons behind my choice to stay. My family had asked me to stay close by. I was young, it was my first experience with living alone- I needed the support. But my family was moving away from Whiton, and I was finding out that I was ready to start taking care of myself. Most importantly, I wanted to leave. I wanted to go back to Texas. To all the people who were drawing me back home.

Whiton was a beautiful place, but I could feel myself going more and more stir crazy everyday. It wasn't about Charlie. It hadn't been about him for a long time. The space was so small, and I couldn't keep my mind from turning to the the wide open space that was the setting to so many of my memories.

Now I just had to decide if it was worth it, to fly blind into a whole new world- when I could survive comfortably, if not happily, in this small town which had once felt like enough.